How do I begin?

How does anyone begin – anything?  I have hit a wall of some resistance, and somehow I have to find a gate through, or a stile to climb it, or perhaps a big mallet to crush it.  I want to make , and I have a few ideas that meander across my consciousness, but everytime I cast my line to hook one, the line just sort of lies there and the bait isn’t attractive enough. The need nags, creating those ripples that endlessly reverberate , someone is knocking at the door but when I open it no-ones there. 

 

In the absence of focus I try to read – always in the past reading has been a refuge to retreat to, always offering sustenance, growth, and reassurance.  Today and for some previous I have picked up the same book and felt dim, unable to follow the diversions of Daniel Dennet’s arguments.  I can’t follow him at all; he has turned up to take me for a walk and I am legless. I turn to a novel instead, hoping for distraction , it is Artist of the Floating World. Kazuo Ishiguro is right for me – I have read this before and the sparseness of his writing mirrors my mood, the themes of malleability of  memory and the pain of ageing is strangely satisfying.  Nothing happens, and yet something changes.  

“If on a sunny day you climb the steep path leading up from the little wooden bridge still referred to around here as ‘the Bridge of Hesitation’, you will not have to walk far before the roof of my house becomes visible between the tops of two gingko trees.”

 

 

It is fiction then, that is able to steer me quietly to somewhere where I can find some ease.  The philosophy of mind will wait, and so must I . I must remember to put my tools down sometimes and renew.  Renew. 

nightingale

 

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “How do I begin?

  1. Val

    Hello, It certainly seemed very synchronistic to read this post . I am relatively new to your blog but subscribed just after reading several of your previous posts. What you speak of here is so very like what I am experiencing, have been experiencing for some time~ the constant awareness of wanting/needing to create or immerse myself in something fulfilling and meaningful but just as you get a glimmer of potential inspiration , it just never seems quite enough (combined with my own fears of not being able to produce exactly what I have in my head~) so have looked for both inspiration and escape in books ~ yet the non-fiction I thought would provide a balm or a way out has done just the opposite~ leaving me as agitated and wallowing in a morass ~ so to fiction , with the hopes for some respite from ‘reality:’ or at least my present reality ~ hard to find just the right book though ~ thinking of resorting to old favorites which I know bring comfort ~ also good older children’s books can be very good (at least I find them so) for that as well. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. In some respects , it makes one feel a little less alone in this situation. Hoping for us both that we might soon find the key to the door and back to what we most need and want to do.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. vith

    Reblogged this on vith15 and commented:
    Yet the same question I’ve asked myself several times! How did everything begin? How did anyone begin anything? Whenever I plan something: of course with slight excitement at first, much excitement enough to jump into something novel brilliant as I thought. However, the enthusiasm gradually decreases without any obvious factors but time. 90% of energy I spend on a work is simply for remaining the energy itself. There are many times when I feel like being idle while purposely neglect my plan. Because of those many, I have to come up with some possible solutions.
    One way-out I can think of is picking someone that also share the same initiation and begin together. Other way is to start thing anyway immediately even with the least excitement at first and try to collect inspiration later. It is not the lack of enthusiasm that hold back the work but the hesitation itself while waiting passively for something delighting will trap me.
    “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson. “Do not burn. It is firing.” Keep starting until you really start. Otherwise, begin again!

    Like

    Reply

I like to hear from you, so tell me what you think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s